My Ankleodyssey

(posted by Dave)



(Image: One of my acupuncture sessions, complete with burning coals on the ends of each needle, mid-August or thereabouts)

Those who have seen me since mid-June may know that I’ve had chronic pain in my right ankle. I’ve come up with various theories about the cause. Bruised achilles tendon? Stress from carrying Ysa in a poorly adjusted backpack carrier? Bad shoes? Wearing my flip flops too much?

I’ve likewise tried various remedies to fix it, from ice to acupuncture to elevation to traditional Chinese medicine, but nothing seemed to work long-term. Just recently, thanks to the help of two large two-by-fours that fell crashing onto my right toe, I decided to stop procrastinating and finally get an x-ray or two.

While my toe is just bruised, the x-rays confirmed what I had started to suspect: I have a new little friend - a bone spur on my ankle, somewhere near my achilles tendon. Think of the achilles tendon as being about the same width as the hair on the bow of a violin. If you then put nerve endings in the bow, and rub it back and forth repeatedly over a small pointy rock, you’ve got some idea of what’s been going on with my ankle lately. Not that I’m complaining, but - oh, wait. Yep, I am complaining. It really stinks. In the spirit of sharing my misery with the world at large, following are some insights I have gained from my experience.

Acupuncture doesn’t hurt, because the needles are super thin. Unless of course, you have some swelling in the part of the body you are treating. Then it hurts like crazy when the needles go in, and then changes to a strange dull throbbing that gradually calms down to a relieved numbness that changes back to a sharp pain if you move your foot more than a sixteenth of an inch. Oh, and then another sharp sharp pain when the needles get yanked out. Later your foot feels better. (Maybe because there are no longer needles stuck in it?)

Chinese doctors can and will laugh at you, especially if you present your own theory of the cause of your problem. Bone spur? Ha ha, heavens no. Silly foreigner - your heel joint was dislocated. I fixed it! Just walk around for a bit, you’ll see. To be fair, the doctor in question did entirely eliminate all traces of pain from my heel with three or four precisely timed sharp and painful tugs on my foot. (“Tugs” meaning that she grabbed onto each side of my heel and pulled backwards at approximately 94 mph with all her body weight.) The pain in my ankle soon returned, as did soreness in my arch, but the pain in the heel took off running and hasn’t been heard from since.

You can get X-rays in China for RMB 100 (approx $14.61) apiece. For that price, they’ll throw in a couple of long waits in line, receipts that show you’ve paid for your appointment, receipts that show you’ve paid to get your X-ray, receipts that show that you have an appointment to interpret your X-ray, and receipts for your prescription. You also get staff that are helpful and courteous, plenty of scuffs and streaks and just plain dirt on the waiting room walls, and scary looking lead-lined doors in X-ray room that slide ominously closed and remind you of the scene in the Watchmen where Dr. Manhattan gets every atom in his body pulverized. Oh, and a nifty plastic bag with all sorts of Chinese writing on it that contains the only copies of your X-rays. Don’t lose these.