I am so freaking bad-*ss!

IMG_4072, originally uploaded by zawelski.

(posted by Jane - originally written 10/31)

I hopped onto the 320 bus today with the rest of humanity and Zekey after a late morning of last-minute shopping for Halloween-party items. Today must have been the release of the geriatric ward or something, because the bus was disproportionately full of elderly people. And this bus was somethin’ crowded (well, they all are). We were packed in, but still towards the front of the bus, standing, of course. One old man gets a seat after a younger person sitting in the front offers up his seat.

At the next stop, MORE people get on, sort-of shifting my wave of people in from right by the front door of the bus towards the area a little further into the bus. One new passenger looks especially old and is standing, hanging onto the bus pole for dear life. The seats along the window are just singles; gotta have as much room as possible on these buses for as many passengers as possible, so there are as few seats as possible, to create more standing pack-’em-in room. The people in the seats along the window can just barely scan the crowd in front and next to them to see anybody, much less to see if anybody needs their seat.

Instinctively, I turn so I’m facing the back of the bus, and I scan the seats on the right side of the bus. All older people. I croon my head to see over people (I’m in China, I’m not the shortest person anymore!) sitting on the left side of the bus. A-ha. I spot her. A woman about my age, seated! According to my quick trigonometric assessment of her line of sight, she *should* be able to see the old man about 10 feet in front of her. According to my immediate moral assessment, she should not be enjoying a seat on this bus. He should.

Now, anyone who has ever traveled with me can attest to a couple of my keen abilities: 1) to disarm people with my open-ness and, well, just approaching and communicating with people, anyone, anywhere, and 2) to sniff out injustice and feel a need to rectify it. So, here, on this 320 bus today, we have the perfect storm. Man in need. Woman who needs “communicating” with.

Oh, yeah. I’m in China. These folks don’t speak English. For real, dude.

Undaunted and by some power unleashed in me, I glide smoothly over to the woman, and I say to her a PERFECT sentence in Chinese: “He needs to sit.” Yes, ladies and gentlemen, bring on the applause! I put knowledge together, from various past sources, many words, and I created a sentence unique to me in this language. And I used it on someone in the right way. I didn’t speak too loudly, so as not to embarrass her. I spoke firmly but not roughly or angrily. Perfectly uttered, linguistically and humanistically.

Holding my breath, I await execution of the next 2 vital steps: Will she understand? What will she say?

The next 3 or 4 seconds were some of the longest in my life. She did this typical Chinese thing that I’m still trying to figure out: She seemed to get mad. She grumbled. She almost kind-of whined. She gesticulated and bobbed her head!

For the life of me, I have no idea what the linguistic utterances were. But there is no doubt that the inter-personal message was, “Mind your own business, you crazy person! I need this seat just as much as the next person. What’s up with this world when a person can’t just enjoy their seat on their bus ride? Dude!!”

And THEN, what makes this so interesting (and this is a common pattern I’ve observed, be it at the market haggling for food prices, or in stores haggling for gloves or kids’ t-shirts, or in a restaurant trying to get the attention of the owner), is that after this almost-mandatory period of vehement protestation, she relaxed her arched back muscles, her arm landed from its somewhat extended protestation pose, and she softly waved said arm with a kind-of almost half-smile - or something - and mumbled something more gently.

Clearly, dear reader, she was saying, “All right, then, let the old man have my seat.” That’s it, just one moment of acquiescence, just one split-second acknowledgement of my request. But I knew I had it:

Victory!!!!!!

Wasting no time, I reach over, tap the old man, he skids his way across as the bus jerks especially wildly, and ta da! The old man sits.

All I can think is, “I am so bad-*ss. Dude, I am soooo cool! Wow, I rock! Oh my gosh.” And so on and so on. I’m not trying to display my glee outwardly lest this woman, now standing right next to and just a little bit in back of me, sock me one or something (I’m still not sure how to read this culture), but my inner fairies and gypsies and elves are dancing huge dances of joy.

Who rocks? Jane rocks! Who’s the gal to call? Jane’s the gal to call! Need a seat for your favorite old person? Facing a crowded bus and need to get the job done? I’m there! Fair and square, this was a great experience for me.

So, now, it was my stop. I go to get Zekey, who smiled broadly and innocently at me, putting on his best “I’m so cute face,” saying, “Look! This guy just gave me 5 cents (jiao).” Argh! Zekey! You can’t ask people for money! Don’t ask me how I knew he’d done this, that’s for a later post.

Out saving the world, forgot about the home front. But that’s okay. I’m so totally cool. I am so freaking bad-*ss.

I wave goodbye, in my mind’s eye, to both of them inside that bus, the old man sitting, and the woman who gave up her seat for him.

I did that!

Peace out.