Updating the ol' Resume

Recently, because we've had several new teachers joining our organization, we've had quite a few "getting to know you" introductory emails flying back and forth through cyberspace. And because I was putting off something or other at that moment, my introductory email became an exploration of the nether reaches of my work history - i.e., the jobs that usually don't make it onto my resume. (Having a Master of Fine Arts in painting means that I've occasionally had to look in some interesting places for employment...)

So, in the spirit of "Hey, I wasted my time on this - why not waste yours as well?", I thought I'd copy and paste a few of my most memorable jobs (and "jobs") onto the web site. Here goes...

- Cashier and soft drink fetcher, (age 12), Hardee's booth, Kansas State Fair (yes, my very first paid gig)

- Summer Camp Counselor, Presbyterian Clearwater Forest Camp, Brainerd, MN (You ain't really lived until you've had to deal with a cabin of fifteen hyper fourth graders making fake farting sounds for two hours after lights out...)

- Cucumber Sorter, Gundelsheimer GurkenFabrik A.G., Gundelsheim, Germany (If standing at a conveyor belt at a pickle factory picking out rotten cucumbers all day doesn't sound like much fun, it's because it isn't. Three weeks' work paid for a summer of backpacking through Europe, though.)

- Archeological Survey Assistant, Santa Fe National Forest, Coyote, New Mexico. (A summer spent following a compass through the wilderness looking for small flakes of obsidian. Oh, and stuffing myself with green chili burritos over the weekends. Ain't volunteer jobs great?)

- Stir-Fry cook, LeeAnn Chin's Carryout Chinese Cuisine, St. Paul, MN (the beginning of my long road to China? Um, probably not. I couldn't even touch an eggroll for years after that job...)

- Collections Management Intern, Field Museum of Natural History, Chicago. (where I got to spend many happy hours wandering alone behind the scenes in museum storage. Think the last scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark, and you can get some idea.)

- File Clerk, Radiology Department, Northwestern Memorial Hospital (Filing CAT scans and shootin' the breeze with great Loud Women from the South Side, all with James Brown blasting in the background. One of the better temp jobs that I've had.)

- Temporary Front Desk Reception Relief, Leo Burnett, Chicago (Answering phones for a rotating schedule of annoyed secretaries while they had their lunch breaks at one of the biggest and most high-stress ad agencies in the country. One of the worst temp jobs that I've had. Fortunately, it only lasted two days.)

- Cloth Diaperer. Having successfully shepherded three kids along from birth to potty training without the help of disposables means that I've got six years of experience in the field - enough for another master's degree, I think. (Jane, of course, is a postdoctoral fellow in the field...)

So yeah, that's my resume, more or less ...
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Do I get the job? Oh, you'll call me...
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Okay, well, uh, look forward to hearing more from you...